Friday, February 14, 2014
Feeling the Love (and the Chocolate)
I know I should hate Valentine's Day-it is a Hallmark holiday, after all-but it's actually one of the few holidays I celebrate. I love my husband every single day of the year, but I do enjoy taking one special day to celebrate our bond and the compassion we feel towards each other. It's also a motivator for me to find new ways to show Mike that I love him and appreciate him every day, and part of that involves taking a deep look at what I've been doing on my part and on what I need to change.
Lately, I've been a little emotionally distant. I don't know if it's the winter, or my depression setting back in, but I've felt a little aloof and cold. I've had some ups and downs with the eating disorder, and while I'm back on track now, it takes a lot of time and energy out of my day (and Mike's) to keep up with recovery. A friend of mine has been incredibly helpful in giving me reality checks about what I should and should not be focusing on, and she's made a great point: I'm almost putting too much focus on recovery. It's become a job instead of a process. I fret about over every walk taken with the dogs, every yoga video I do, every missed snack..you name it. And it becomes the daily topic of conversation. That's not what a normal relationship should be like. Mike is incredibly supportive and helpful and hopeful, but it's not his place to continuously remind me of what I need to do or what I don't need to be doing. I should be able to put recovery and my eating disorder aside and focus on my marriage and the joys of being married to such an incredible man.
Today I choose to focus on what I love about my life right now, including my amazing husband. I love that I have a partner that supports me in all that I do and is there for me on good days and bad.I love that I'm following my dreams, even if school is arduous and anxiety producing. I love my family, and all of the relationships I have with my parents, my grandmother, my sisters and their families. I love my dogs, and the joy they bring to my life. I love being in a place where I can eat chocolate and enjoy it, and cook 'scary' meals and survive (and relish) them. I love that I'm surrounded by friends who care about me and whom I care deeply about. These things I love every day, but am especially grateful for today.
I'm trying my hardest to focus on the positives in life, and that can be difficult when things get rough. I get anxious about food and exercise on a daily basis, but I'm making progress, and those who love me are there for me (even my dogs). I worry about my success in school, and the temptation to throw in the towel is always there, but Mike and my family won't let me give in. Somedays it's hard just getting up, but I know I have people who care about me and who love me to guide me through the difficult days, and that keeps me going.
So for Valentine's Day, I plan on cooking my amazing husband a delicious meal, followed by the premiere of House of Cards. The dogs will get just-made dog cookies shaped like hearts (natch), and will be given extra lovings-just because. A quiet night, but a romantic one for us. Tonight's dinner? Vegan ravioli with homemade sauce, steamed green beans, fresh bread, and perhaps a glass of red wine. It will be simple, but perfect for us. And to follow that delicious dinner? Some tasty vegan chocolate.
Here are a SELECT few of my picks for some chocolate treats to round out your Valentine's-whether you celebrate or not.
Chocolove Fair Trade Organic Dark Chocolate
Endangered Species Organic Dark Chocolate & Cherry
Taza Chocolate Chipotle Chili Disc
And just if you're curious, the vegan ravioli I'm making isn't homemade (sorry-the sauce is!), but it's equally as tasty. You can find it here:
Soy Boy Original Ravioli